Possible Retraction in Progress

This picture may cause me to change my mind on the Christmas cards...

Could eat them up!

The Unopened Gift

This was my December article for She Magazine.

The Unopened Gift

I really dig gifts. I mean, my family lovingly ridicules me for my lengthy lists at gift-receiving occasions. I can break it down to page numbers in favorite catalogs and links to items sold by online retailers. In my mind, I think I am being super helpful by being so detailed. The truth of it is that I just really enjoy receiving gifts, and I want to do everything I can to increase my chances of snagging the goods I want. Quite self-serving, I realize.

Maybe the fact that I also love to give gifts is something of a redeemable quality. It can take me several trips to several different stores to locate just the right gift for someone. And it doesn’t matter if I’m buying for a child I really barely know or for my dear husband; it is my objective to arrive on the scene with a thoughtful, perfect gift. I so enjoy giving a gift that the recipient prizes!

So, it’s surprising - even to me - that I allowed an unopened gift to remain under my tree for fourteen Christmases. Yep, fourteen Christmases. How does one do that, you may ask. It wasn’t as difficult as you might imagine. We always have gifts left under our tree after Christmas – gifts for loved ones we didn’t get to visit with over the holidays. We put them aside when we disassemble the tree, and we store them until we’re able to make a delivery. That’s kind of how it went with the unopened gift. It was for me. It was adorned with generous red shiny paper and a perfect green bow. It was beautiful, but Christmas after Christmas I chose not to accept it. I would easily preoccupy myself with the other gifts that bore my name. “I don’t need that one,” I would think to myself. Months would pass; life would distract me, and I’d forget about it for a while. Until the season returned and the shimmer of the red paper caught my eye once more. Somehow it never grew dusty and never showed wear or age…

Truth be told, I had a grievance with the giver. I heard negative things about him, and I also made up my own rubbish about him too. You know how we tend to do that - assume the worst and then embellish that in our imaginations. I didn’t trust him a bit, and each year I would argue that I didn’t need his stinkin’ gift since I had already gone so long without it. I was sure that he would expect too much in return if I dared to unwrap it. But there it sat each year, under my tree. I would glare at it sometimes. At other times, I would sit by it washed in the tender glow of strung lights. And still at other times, I would evaluate it with my head tilted and eyebrow cocked with interest.

There were people in my life who lovingly encouraged me to open it; they were confounded by my obstinacy. Others tried to dissuade me from opening it – feeding my doubts and distrust. Another contingent boasted about knowing the giver and having received gifts from him, but their words were hollow and not convincing at all. I refrained from opening the gift…

Until one night when I found myself in the midst of a crowd who wanted me to unmask the mystery. In a moment I claimed the gift and tore into it in a flash. I don’t know what I expected it to feel like, but it was so light – surprisingly light. And what I found inside changed the course of my life. It was the love of One who had loved me all along. It was pure and perfect and delightful, and I had been wrong, wrong, wrong for years. I had been mistaken about the Giver – who He is and what He wants from me. I found Him to be tender and merciful, forgiving and patient, powerful and gentle, compassionate and true. And you know what - He never asked what took me so long. He was not angry that I had been so stubborn. He just smiled and was pleased.

Every good action and every perfect gift is from God. These good gifts come down from the Creator of the sun, moon, and stars, who does not change like their shifting shadows
(James 1:17, New Century Version).

Abstinence

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is sending our family Christmas card and receiving yours. This year I am abstaining for three reasons...

1. Cost
2. Time
3. The impossibility of getting both of my children to look at me and smile at the same time. I did ask 'em if I could wrap them in Christmas lights for our picture; I thought that might generate some genuine laughter, but they weren't keen on it :-) (I did once have a student wrap himself in lights for his group's scene performance from A Midsummer Night's Dream. I made him bring a permission slip from his mom stating that he had her blessing to don the lights. She drew a really funny electrified smiley face which still makes me smile when I remember it).

So, I just wanted you to know that I'm abstaining. You didn't get dropped from our list, and please don't drop us from yours... I love getting your sweet smiles in the mail during this season!

Gone Fishin'

I love to blog! I enjoy it immensely! Almost as much as I love exclamation points!!!! However, anything that I hang expectations on stresses me out! So..., sometimes I get stressed about what to blog, when to blog, and how often to blog. That is lame. I know that.

If you drop by and only find stale bread and a day old cup of joe, I am mortified. What an ill-prepared and inhospitable hostess I am! Hospitality is one of my spiritual gifts.

And if you've been reading here for any length of time, you know that I don't do many things at once well at all! I am super-focused girl, remember? And can we just all say together that there's a lot of stuff to do right now. There's a lot of stuff to do right now.

And, quite honestly, right now I am choosing to sacrifice my joy in and my intimacy with Christ, my husband, and my children on the altar of busyness. In my book, that's a sin.

So, I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm hangin' a Gone Fishin' sign on my door. I'll be in and out - when the fish aren't bitin' and my imagination is feeling free enough to come back and play. I may blog once a week, or I may blog once a month. But I want to return to the freedom of writing when I am inspired - when I really feel like I have something worthwhile to share. Go back and read some of my posts in the spring and early summer, and I think you'll sense a different level of insight than I can offer now on a daily basis. That's the kind of writing I enjoy crafting - observations and illustrations. I haven't posted anything recently that I particularly like. My imagination needs breathing room, and there hasn't been a lot of that of late.

It is so like me to make this complicated!

Though I don't care much for fishing - just being honest - it sounds grand right about now. I will continue to blog as sporadic girl, and if you're interested, you can subscribe via email (in the sidebar). Anytime I post, you will receive all of my knowledge and wisdom in your inbox. Or you can click on the big red button on the top of the sidebar to subscribe to my feed in a reader (which you should definitely do if you follow more than one blog; a reader allows you to read all of the blogs you follow in one place. No more surfing from page to page. I know, I was resistant too, but it is an essential time-saver). In a reader, you will be able to see when I have posted (in my reader a blog title is in bold if the author has a new post). Or you can just stop by the shop every so often. I am always so happy to see you.

Just in case you were wondering, I do know that you probably don't really care when I come and go, how many fish I catch, or what fish tales I have to tell. I can just feel better about flippin' the sign on the door when I've told you in advance.

Later, alligator, and don't be a stranger...

For Pete's Sake...

Enough Disney pics, for Pete's sake...

But I had just a few more that you needed to enjoy.

How much fun are they having? - reckless stroller driving

How cool is she?

How sweet is he? - to dance with his princess in the Block Party Bash - Love him!

No more, I promise!

Purge

"I will write myself into well-being." - Nancy Mair

I love that quote! I have it written in the front of one of my journals. It doesn't exactly jive with where my healing comes from, but it does speak to the therapy of writing. Love it!!